i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
you had me at cake vodka
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
