If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
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