I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Are my feet made of real feet?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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