i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
