your thong is hanging out like whoa
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
