I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
two words: eviction party
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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