youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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