He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Your shirt... Was in my pants
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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