I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
