he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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