So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
