i think my tv is drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
