No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
