He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
