I wish I only lived at night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
