cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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