you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
