he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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