then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He felt like a one man threesome
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
