I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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