I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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