Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
