What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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