she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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