I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
my poor anus
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
