No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
