Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
