she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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