just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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