I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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