Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
