Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
