I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
