Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
