So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
There was a lot of him and a little penis
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
