When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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