My room smells like vodka and shame
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
