You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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