Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
