i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
