There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
