dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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