3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
