dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
