He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
