We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
