I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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