so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
