C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
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I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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