my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
