I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
