Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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