I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
