Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
