I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
