Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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