dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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