I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
