I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
