I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
