Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My Sexting was not on an AP level
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
