Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
