got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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