you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
