Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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