Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
