I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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