i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
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