You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
