i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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