her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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